In Loving Memory of Glenna Lou Cox

I've been wanting to write this post for a long time, but I also knew that it was going to be a long and emotional one. Here I am, ready to write it all down.

If you know me well enough, you know that my grandma Cox was a huge part of my life. When she passed away… I was devastated. My sisters and I spent so much time with her, and to lose that was really hard.

For as long as I can remember, every summer, everyday, my mom would drive me and my sisters out to Hurricane to spend the day with Grandma and Grandpa. We did everything! Baked cookies, I learned how to crochet, played games, fed the bunnies, jumped on the tramp, went to Taco Time, and so much more. Sometimes I wonder how she kept us busy all day long, but I know that she loved every minute of it even if we were a crazy handful.

McKinlee had to chance to become really close with our cousin Kennedy (because they were both the same age) even though they were only babies, I know that the loving spirit my grandma provided was enough for what memories they have.

I'm so grateful to be one of the oldest grandchildren. I am one of the few that had a chance to really get to know her. Fact, out of all of us, I probably knew her the most. The couple older cousins I do have lived far away, and even I haven't seen them since the funeral (and that was almost ten years ago). It's so hard for me to think that so many of my adorable little cousins will never get to meet her… though, that isn't necessarily true. I know that she loves and gives them each a kiss before they are born.

My mom has worked at the Red Cliffs Mall for a very long time. She now holds the position as General Manager and she definitely deserves it. Before she was GM I'm not really sure what her official job title was, but she worked in the mall offices. Those summer days spent with my grandparents, would end with them dropping us off at the mall. We were for some reason always pretty early. So, we would sit outside on this little grassed area. I'm not sure what we talked about or did, but I remember lots of laughs, and to this day, that little corner spot (now gravel and not grass) will forever be special to me.

My grandma liked to spoil us. They didn't have a lot of money, but she did whatever she could to give us everything she could. Fact, when she first got sick, she ignored the pain and illness for a long time because they didn't have insurance and she knew it was something big, and that it was going to cost something just as big. It got to a point though where she couldn't ignore whatever was happening to her. She was diagnosed with cancer.

As a ten year old, I didn't really know what that mean or what that was, but I knew it was bad. I remember spending a lot of time at the hospital with my grandma. I was so confused and scared. The time she spent sick is a very big blur to me, but I think that is for a reason. I think that even though a lot happened while she was sick, my grandma would rather me remember that happy and fun times that we spent together.

One morning, toward the beginning of my 6th grade year, there was a phone call. Dad was working out of town at the time so my mom had to get the phone. I'm not sure what time it was, but I remember it was early. I couldn't hear the conversation, but I knew what it was. I knew that I was never going to see my grandma's smiling face again. I cried for hours. Maybe it wasn't hours but it sure felt like hours. I walked into my mom's room that morning ready to hear the news. I didn't tell her I knew, and to this day, she still doesn't know that I woke up that morning.

I can't help but think that my grandma woke me up that morning to tell me she was gone, but that she loved me so much, and that she was in an incredible place. I can't be sure though.

There is so much that I wish my grandma could be here to experience. She missed high school graduation, she will miss college graduation. She will miss me getting married and having kids...but at the same time, I know that she hasn't missed a beat. She has been here through it all, and she is never going to stop.

I'm so grateful that I had the grandmother I did. That woman was incredible. She taught me to love the gospel, and taught me how to love the people around me. I can't wait to be with her again someday to talk and catch up. That day is far away, but it's something I will always look forward to.

In loving memory of Glenna Lou Cox

It Never Ends

Where have I been you ask? I've been crazy busy okay?!

Seriously though, life doesn't ever slow down. Not for a second. But, as crazy as life has been, I've somehow found a way to love every single second of it.

There isn't really much that I can catch you up on specifically, but let's see what I can come up with.

In the last couple months I feel like so little and yet so very much has changed. Even though I have lived in Provo for almost a year (Yeah, it's been that long), I feel like I am making so many new connections with my family. I love Sunday's when I get to go to Herriman and have dinner with the Hansen's and the Pearce's. I love playing with the little ones and you know what? I LOVE how much they love me. I walk into the door and Kenna, Cole, Izzy, and the other little tykes are telling me where to sit because it's their turn or they want to sit by me. I don't know why they think I'm that cool, but I love them for it.

I've also grown close to Rachel and Rebecca. Not that I wasn't close to them before, but I feel like I know them on a much deeper level, and when Ray left on her mission yesterday, it was hard to see her go. (Though, I am jealous that she was be living in New Zealand for the next 18 months).

Not only that, but both families have made me feel so welcome. I'm invited to everything and I love knowing that if I were to ever need anything, they wouldn't hesitate to help.

On the other side of things... I miss home a lot. Especially recently. There have been many times where I've just wanted to up and move back to STG and work at PF for the rest of my life. But, I know... I know that I am supposed to be here. To go through and experience the things that I am.

That being said: I go home a lot. Like almost once a month recently. Sometimes I feel silly because I'm sure people notice that I am always in STG, but I love it there. Definitely a lot more than when I lived there.

With so much going on, I don't know where the time has gone. I can't believe it's already November. It's crazy! It's going to be 2014 before we all know it!

So much has changed in the past couple years. So much. And I know I dwell on things like that a lot, but I can't help it. Everything seems to be connected somehow. From the good. To the bad.

Throttle the Human Race

Sometimes I have this urge to just want to kill every living thing on this planet. Seriously.

As lucky as we are to live in the US we take a lot for granted. A roommate of mine would always say: "First world problems." It is such a true statement.

Why are these thoughts so strong in me today?

Well, I've been thinking through a lot in my life... today my roommate and her fiancé and a couple of their friends were talking in the living room. My roommate, Diane, asked one of the girls over how she stayed so skinny. The friend said: "How do I stay so skinny? I eat nothing. I eat air. Today is the most I've eaten in weeks." Which she then goes on to say was nothing for breakfast, half a hotdog for lunch, and half a chicken breast for dinner. "If I ate that way everyday I'd gain weight so fast."

Okay, first of all... don't be so arrogant. That is not true at all. There are plenty of things she could eat and be healthy because what she is putting her body through is not smart at all. Second of all, think of all the starving people in the world who would be grateful to have a day like that.

I hate people. I really do. Which sounds violent and really just makes me a rude person and I honestly don't hate people as much as I hate the arrogance of the human race. It is only human, I know, but sometimes I just want to scream.

I'm not to say I'm not guilty of all the same things. I struggle loosing weight and I use that as an excuse to not try as hard. I'll be the first to admit that.

I have known a lot of people in my life. Every friend has taught me something new about the world and about myself. The unfortunate thing is that friends have a habit of changing and sometimes disappearing altogether. We can't always go back on those choice and we learn to deal with them. My friends have taught me patience, compassion, love, that crying is okay, that being there when they need you is something so simple, yet so powerful.

I have a lot of different types of friends in my life right now. One who is teaching me about myself, my emotions, and how it's okay to just let it out because she knows she can do it right back and we will both support each other. One who is teaching me that sometimes one friend needs the other more and that that only lasts until you help them through. That's something I hadn't learned before and it has ruined a lot of good things.

Okay, I have no idea how I changed the subject so drastically but in my head it all fits together. We don't know what we are learning until something happens to show us, so don't take the happy things you have in life for granted because they could definitely be gone like that.

Update!

Life has been crazy to say the least...A little less crazy as of this last week though, and it has been nice to say the least. My last day at Pizza Factory was this last Thursday. Kind of a crazy thing, but pretty much amazing. I'm not a one job woman again and actually having time to myself is incredible. Not that I do much with my time until 4:30 every afternoon, but it's nice to know that I have that time.

For example: yesterday I went running and I'm going to start going to yoga a couple times a week again (missed Bikram SO much). I also made zucchini bread with the massive zucchinis that my aunt sent home with me. All things that I haven't had time to do in months. Part of me misses being at work, but at the same time, it's time for me to move on.

In other news Kylee and I are planning a trip to Europe next summer!!! Exciting right?! We were going to go with a tour group but they are so expensive and so constricting and there are certain things we specifically want to do. So we have started planning out our own itinerary. We will be there for ten days. We will have about 3 travel/rest days just making it to England, but we will arrive in the Heathrow, London airport and have almost 3 full days in London, England.

Dream. Come. True.

Seriously though! Then we will take the train to Paris and spend two days in France. The Eiffel tower is a must and I would really like to see the Paris Opera House (Opera Garnier).

Then, we will spend two days in Rome. Of course Ky wants to go to Italy because of her Sam man ;) Not that I don't want to go to Italy!

We have a few others planning to come with us and with my Marriott discount we have been able to plan the trip for just $2500. And that's including food, gas to LA, train tickets, plane tickets, hotel, etc. We of course over-priced everything so that in case an emergency we have that back-up, but my dreams are coming true with all these plans.

Anyway, life has been great! I love my job, even though the hours are brutal, and I love my life. Alison comes back to Provo in a month and I can't wait to have a social life again! I move into my new place in less than a month and I can't wait to get started with that...It'll be a lot of work getting this apartment cleaned out though...

Just a small update on things going on in my life!

A Sunday Kidney Stone

So today I thought I was going to die. I literally thought my life was going to end because I was in so much pain. After a few trips to the bathroom and an hour huddled in pain I was about to take myself to the ER. AFter a million trips to the bathroom I decided to take one more potty break and then decide what my next move would be. I took a baby tinkle and couldn't get over how painful it was to even go to the bathroom. That's when I noticed the little speck on my toilet paper....BTW this is about to get TMI, but after touching the little guy on my TP I realized that the pain was going away...and that's when it hit me. I just passed a kidney stone...

If you've ever had a kidney stone you know how painful it is. I'm just grateful I was able to pass it so fast...before I even realized what it was. Unfortunately that's my second kidney stone within the last year and a half... which means that I will more than likely have many more to come in my lifetime.

Anyway, that was my adventure for today.

In other news... Waisha is gone. Back in Houston, Texas. I miss her terribly. Though, it hasn't really completely hit me that she's gone. But, hey! Excuse to visit Texas right?! Heck yes!

Best. Weekend. Ever.

I seriously couldn't be more grateful for my life lately. Things have been rough, but let's be honest... I am blessed.

I have two jobs. Hate working two jobs? Yes, definitely. But guess what? I can pay the bills, I can pay rent, I have extra cash to spend on myself...all things that I could barely do at the beginning of the year when I first moved.

I was lucky enough to get this last weekend off both of my jobs to go home for the weekend...For my birthday!

I drove home early Friday morning and made it there safely about 10am. My mom and I went to PF and got the traditional birthday pizza and saw my favorite boss. To this day, even though I'm no longer an employee of Pizza Factory Express on Sunset, Dave still treats me so great. He is always there for me when I need a clear headed opinion.

After PF we did some shopping for my Birthday BBQ the next day. We did a lot of shopping, but I wouldn't change the day for anything! I miss my mom more than anyone can possibly understand, so it's the best feeling to be with her.

Saturday morning (7am) we headed out with the ATV's (which seems to be a yearly tradition now) and rode for a few hours. I got to see Carissa for an hour or so after that and it was fun to see her and her husband. I wish that I had more time to spend with her, but I am so grateful for her constant support. After all of those adventures my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all came over for the BBQ. Did I mention the twins were in town? No? Well, they were! Can I just tell you how grown up they are?? So big! So old! They are starting first grade in the fall!!! FIRST GRADE! EEK!

After that the weekend rushed by and before I knew it it was Monday morning and I was driving away, tears in my eyes. Leaving is always the hardest part. It's always worse when I don't know when I will be visiting next.

My roommates were way too generous for my birthday. I am so grateful for them in my life. They are always supportive and willing to listen to my work drama and exhaustion. Waisha is moving to Texas this week, and I'm so sad about it! I absolutely love her and I am heartbroken to see her go. Guess I'll just have to visit good ol' Texas to see my darling friend!

Thank you so much to everyone who was a part of my birthday celebrations. I had a fantastic birthday and can't wait to see what this next year brings to me and those around me.

The Tears Caught Up

Anyone who knows me knows that's I can cry. Yeah, I know, most human beings have the ability to cry, but I have an abnormal amount of tears and snot in me.

When I first moved to Provo I was terrified. I had no idea what my new life was going to offer. If I'd have friends, if I'd get along with my roommates, etc. Well I got lucky because I immediately made amazing friends in the girls I live with and with their friends.

I struggled not being near my family, best friend, and dog all the time. But, my life here is/was going so well that I didn't think about it too much. Which is perfect for me. Every once and a while though, I realize how much I miss my family. I realize how hard it is to live on my own. To work two jobs, juggle family and friends, sleep, and school. The bills and things to pay for don't end and even emotional bagged from back home doesn't leave... And that's when the tears would come. The first time it happened I was sure my roommates thought I was crazy, there were even people over. But guess what? I was handed a tissue box and a smile and I wasn't judged for the tears that fell down my face for the better part of an hour.

But tonight my tears aren't about missing my family. They aren't about how money is the hardest thing to deal with. Or even how much I hate working two jobs. My tears are full of happiness and memories of the past, present, and future. And I know that more tears are to come and I embrace them (even though as I write this I can barely see or breathe) for what they are.

Life is hard, but we keep paying admission so the ride must be worth it.

I Carry a Basket of Chocolate, of Course the Guests Love Me!

So, I haven't really told you a lot about my new job, but I love it! I love the opportunity I have to work with guests from all over the country, and all over the world. My job is a great one. I do the Turndowns, and let's be honest, I carry a big basket full of chocolate, and more often than not, the guest just wants the chocolate that I will leave with them, but I'm okay with that because they love me for it. "Nightly refresh service" have become natural coming out of my mouth when it used to be an awkward three words to utter.

Ready for the sad news? As of June 22 Marriott will no longer be offering Turndown service to its guests. What does that mean for me? Well, it means I can transfer to a new position. This is good and bad. Good because I can potentially move to front desk, which is where I need to be to get into Marriott's internship, but if I can't transfer to front desk, then my hours could change. Which also has its good and bad because I am still working at Pizza Factory, but I'm hoping that I can quit soon... Fingers crossed!

Life in general is fantastic! I don't have as much free time as I'd like to be social, but I love that I have a social life. There is always something to do and we are always having fun adventures. And even better, but there is always ice cream! Always!

I get to go home with weekend. I'm so excited! We are going to take the 4-wheelers out, and the twins will be in town! I haven't seen them in ages! No dates yet. I've lived in Provo, Happy Valley, P-Town, for 6 months and haven't had one date...but that's okay. I've come to find that I am not ready to get married. I mean, a date, or someone to day wouldn't hurt, but I'm okay with how it is. I've got a long way to go before I'm ready for marriage, and I know that eventually the right guy will come along and I will be happier than ever!

Until then I will plan trips and adventures that I can only take as a single lady! Things that I won't be able to do as a married woman, so I will relish in my single-ness for as long as it accompanies me on this journey.

Sick of me yet? Probably... I'll update you after my STG trip.

Roommates, Friendship, and Weird

I have the best roommates. Literally, the best. The best part is, we are all weird! I don't think I could handle normal roommates. This last Sunday we spent hours...hours, taking pictures and then spent hours laughing at them later. I love the adventures I've had with them and I can't wait to see what else is to come this summer.

What a Weekend!

I know... I post a lot... but this weekend really has been a great one!

Friday night I got to work my first training night at the Provo Marriott. I absolutely loved it! I love doing Turn-Downs... Especially when I knock on guests doors and get to say: "Nightly refreshment service." Yup, it's pretty great! But really, I can't wait until my training course it over and I get to do it for real.

After work that night I got home to home-made pizza (as if I don't get it enough at PF)... My roommates are the best! After pizza we went to a dance party downstairs and jammed for about an hour.

By that time it was midnight...but the night wasn't over yet! We sat on the balcony and took weird pictures for a while... that's what we do..be weird.


Then it was one...yes, I mean 1 o'clock in the AM. We decided that we should watch Meet the Robinson's because Owl hadn't seen it before! Needless to say, that because it was past curfew we couldn't let the guys in the apartment so we had to watch it in the basement...

Anyway, we had a blast today as well. When I got home from work, we went to the Outlets to do some shopping. After a few hours of sale shopping we stopped and got dinner, groceries, and now, here we are, in bed, ready for sleep and conference in the morning!

Azzie... Officially a Newlywed!

This weekend has been one of great fun, laughs, tears (happy ones), playing and love! This weekend my darling best friend Carissa, or Azzie as I call her, got married to the man of her dreams. The sealing was done at the Manti temple on Friday afternoon. It was so fun to be able to watch the walk out of the temple as a married couple. The day was cold and drizzly, but I think it was perfect. Nothing could have ruined such a beautiful thing. There was a luncheon served afterward. Saturday was the day of the reception. It was done at The Barn in Washington City. It turned out gorgeous! "A Pinterest wedding" as one of the little girls at the wedding commented. Carissa wasn't aloud at the venue until everything was done, but my mom and I were one of the few allowed to help set up. It was so great to be a part of her big weekend. I am so lucky to have such a great friend in my life. Not only such a great friend, but I feel so blessed that I was able to be a part of it all.

Emotional Days and Grateful Times

I have a few things to catch up on, but there is one big change that I have made. It was terrifying and I had the hardest time actually admitting that I needed to make a change. So, as many of you know, I am majoring in legal studies at UVU. I am currently in the middle of my first semester of my program. I went into this semester so excited to start out the end of my schooling. I was finally here, ready to go four more semesters and finally get to work in the law community. Well, the first couple weeks, were great, but I slowly started loosing my love for it...before I knew it, I realized how unhappy I was with the program and what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life. Well, I got an email from Disney about the Alumni Disney College Program and even though I can't attend because of work, I was looking through their other internships and the hospitality ones kept sticking out at me. I ignored it because it had nothing to do with my current major. But, it struck my curiosity and started doing research on hospitality management... and I was hooked. I couldn't stop. After more research, prayer, and fasting, I realized that that was where I needed to be. I'm in the process right now of switching my major to hospitality management. I realized that the hardest thing for me was that it was never in my plan. I never thought that I wanted to do hospitality managment. It was always either law or culinary, so that fact was scary. I talked to my mom long and hard about the fact and she told me that she could even tell I hadn't been happy with my program and the classes. That alone was a big step for me. So, I am almost officially a hospitality major. I am so excited and can't wait for the new adventure with what is hopefully my for sure career trail. It holds so much potential! Anyway, on another note. I had a surprise visitor yesterday. I was driving home from yoga yesterday morning when my mom called me. We talked the whole 25 minute drive and also while I was folding some laundry. There was a knock on my front door and I answered it to find my mom standing there. Best. Surprise. Ever. We went to lunch and did some shopping. It was the best way to spend the day before I had to go to work. Unfortunately, she was only here for the day and had to go home...and her car broke down on the way home. She must love me though, because she said that even if she knew that her car was going to break down she still would have come. I don't know if you realize this, but I have the best mother ever. She knew I needed her so she came to me

Welcome Home to Me!

So...I'm home for the weekend! Yay!! It's so good to be home. I'm at this moment lying in my bed writing this post! I can't help myself! Today has been kind of crazy. I've had this trip planned since before I moved, so today when my uncle called saying that the weather was bad and that I shouldn't drive in it, I was devastated. Literally crying. I still had to work until 3 so he told me to call him when I got off and he'd check the roads again for me. I said the biggest prayer hoping that I would be able to make the drive... PRAYER ANSWERED! There was snow and slush part of the way, but mostly blue skies and sunshine! Home. I love home. I appreciate it so much more than I ever have in my life. I also appreciate my second home. Provo. I love it. Everything fell into place so fast that I could not be any happier...well, I mean, if a man entered my life, that would have the potential to make me happier...but, let's not dwell on that ;) Coming home also brings back the past. But not in a bad way. Things were hard for a long time, and I didn't really understand what I wanted. I still don't to be honest. Part of me wants to settle everything. There is so much unfinished business in my life. I wonder if it is supposed to be that way, or if I should make an effort. I'm afraid to ask and see what my answer will be. I try not to dwell on the past. There is so much in my present and future now that I can actually see, that I just want to live life at its fullest, and I'm slowly learning to do that. Azzie's wedding is approaching quickly. One month from today actually! I'm so excited for her, and have had such a great time with all of it. I feel so honored to be her MOH. We become such close friends so fast that I can't even remember a time when our friendship was awkward. I am so excited to spend some time with my family! The move was easier than I'd anticipated, but leaving my mom, dad, dog, and sisters was so hard. I don't know how I'm going to leave Monday morning. Probably through tears. Anyway, I just have so much to be grateful for that I never know where to begin. There is so much to figure out about life, but I fell like I am finally on a path to the solutions. Here's to a great weekend!

Life so far...

Well, I think it's time for an update on the new life of mine. First of all. I love it. As terrified of all the unknown I was... I have come to absolutely love my "new" life. My roommates are so great! None of them are from Utah, so that has been cool. They are from Chicago, Virginia, Texas, and Michigan. They are super social, so there is never a dull moment. Always something to do. The ward is great! So inviting and so much to learn. There are activities almost daily. From Ward prayer, FHE, break the fast, institute, hot chocolate Wednesday, and so on. The job is going amazing as well! I love the environment and everyone I work with. I even got a "promotion" today! Okay...so they moved me up to waitress...not super exciting...but I will be making more money, and that is important to a poor college student. I now understand why they call us poor college students... For example...Miller... I live in Miller apartments. Super old apartments. Super old, falling apart apartments... There is something wrong almost every week, but it makes life exciting. The snow is something to get used to, as well as the cold weather, but even though it isn't growing on me, I know I can make it until it warms up. Anyway, it's time for bed, just wanted to give a quick update on life. More to come!

Moved in...

Well, a week an a day ago I moved. I moved from my beautiful, loving, happy home in Ivins, Utah to a completely different home. It was scary, terrifying, and absolutely the most awful thing I've ever done. But... the last week has also been the best. Friday, I was scared out of my mind. Not knowing what to expect or what would happen in the weeks to come. But, I survived. After spending a night at my Aunt Bethany's and then three with my aunt Amanda I have come to be grateful for those who have always supported me. In ways I never realized. I have people here who gave me no choice but to stay with them until my roommate came back from Christmas break. Even though that doesn't sound helpful, it was, because I was terrified to be alone. To this moment, even though there are four other girls here, I feel alone. They know each other and they have been living together since August or longer. I'm the new girl and I'm scared. So it's nice to know that I have family who want me around until I find my place and even after I find my place. My new job is amazing! I absolutely love it! It's the same job, but completely different. I get to interact with customers in a way I've never been able to do before, and it's something I absolutely love. The people I work with are great, helpful, and want me to succeed. And even though I'm not working in St. George anymore, Dave is still calling to make sure everything is working out at this new location. I couldn't be more grateful for my family. My parents. When they moved me up last week, they didn't leave without making sure I had everything I possibly needed. From groceries, to a router for my internet, to new windshield wipers. I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. I couldn't imagine life without them. This last week has been crazy. I've talked to my mom at least twice a day since I've left (if not more) and I"m so glad I'm so close with her. I miss Bruce like crazy, but that's a story for another day. I hope adventures are to come. I'm ready for something new. Classes start on Monday. I guess that's a good beginning.